Hagstone

Spent a wonderful day catching up with good friends of mine, chatting and gallery hopping in west London. I was blown away by the sheer love and attention to detail in the Wes Anderson exhibit at the Design Museum. After a delicious lip-smacking pub lunch at the nearby pub ‘Elephant and Castle’ I suggested that we visit Leighton House. I am a sucker for Pre-Raphaelite art and had heard it mentioned before. It was a real glorious treat for the eyes- I love being nosey in a rich Victorian person’s house!

It was really lovey asking my friends for feedback and advice on the direction my work should go, was I was doing well, etc. I miss speaking about art making with fellow makers. I got my train home feeling enriched and nourished.

I finished an oil pastel drawing but it was part of a collage- one part face, one part hair one part jumper. I was happy with the mark making in the face and hair but when I assembled it I still wasn’t satisfied or happy with it. Why? Because I made a balls of the composition. No matter how flimsy your paint or how shoddy your drawing is the composition can just mess it up. Not happy but happy to jumble it up again- that’s the beauty of collage.

I went to the wellcome collection to visit their exhibition on ‘Birth, life and death’ which was humbling and fascinating to behold. I was struck by the 10 metre long 12th century birthing scroll, full of prayers and charms as protection against death in battle and in labour. Scientists discovered traces of blood and vaginal secretion that bore evidence of how it was worn across the body in labour to act as a charm against death.

The absolute fear and terror in labour and pregnancy is beyond comprehension. I thought of the desperation, the pleas and the chants for all to go well during those fraught moments.

It breaks my heart how women’s reproductive health was so tenuous. Even now so much gynaecology is still just ambiguous as it was then.

I adore charity shops, they just inspire me with the various odds and ends you can find ❤️ I was obsessed with the colours and patterns in this tea set (as seen above) I have a weakness for that lurid 1970s shade of orange and gold. I did some sketching but I do feel a bit burnt out from the frantic weekend of painting before deadlines so today was a day for pottering about (which I love to do when child free) Speaking of lurid colours I saw the most stunning patterns at the V&A when I was accompanying a school trip yesterday. Look at that bold palette below 👇🏻

I’m obsessed with the colour combinations of the early 20th century illustrations.

Mentally I feel a bit strung out so I wanted to spend today reading and just recovering from the week and the relentless weekend.

I got a competition entry wrong but I’m actually not devastated. I’m happy that I produced a decent body of work that was an accumulation of everything I’ve been recording, teaching and experimenting with this past few years. I also learned that working small scale is far less forgiving than large scale.

There’s flaws, there’s vulnerability and there’s my style peeking through the work,

I’m in bed typing this. I have a deadline next week. I want to produce and create but my body says no. When I woke up I felt like a dead weight on me- I couldn’t even get out of bed without feeling like my body was made of lead. Today will be about rest.

My daughter at the weekend took my easel and became very comfortable painting at such a height. She was enjoyed seeing her makes with paint dash across the page. I make it my intention never to force her into creating art. The materials there- I simply put on the table and she investigates of her own accord, which I love to see. She gets lost in the process, and begins humming along her own little made up tunes. She reminds me of hay it’s all about, just enjoy the process.

I made a pilgrimage to Masons Yard in London to visit the other elusive White Cube gallery today. I made a day trip out of it and brought my daughter and met up with my good old friend Davoc afterwards. Abstract art can sometimes leave me a bit cold (Unless it’s Lee Krasner or Helen Frankenthaler) This combination of embroidered threads flexing and breathing through the paint on unprimed canvas was refreshing and engaging on a new level. Both my daughter and I had to resist the urge to stroke and caress the threaded surface like it was cloth on a hanger.

Existential questions amid circular shapes as titles. The titles of the artworks themselves were carefully embroidered along the edges of the canvas. Those parts were actually my favourite.

I spent my precious solitary hours today finishing my self portrait, sat in my bathtub, with some of my daughter’s toys near me. It was a collage, an acrylic painting and an oil pastel drawing all rolled into one. I treated this work like a collage to erase the fear of failure. The knowledge that I can layer up mistakes, overlap or conceal is a great relief to me. It felt good to be finished/ I’m actively working with my menstrual cycle to identify what kind of work best suits my ‘seasons’ I used to ignore my period mood swings, thinking I was being erratic and hysterical but instead now I know that hormones can seriously mess with your head. This is my luteal phase, where I’m a real grouch and argumentative and highly sensitive. According to the book ‘The optimised woman’ this is the best and most productive time for editing and completing work and for journaling and reflection- this is the Autumnal phase before the hibernation phase of winter or the ‘period’ happens. Working to the rhythm of my body has been really an eye-opener and I’ve a lot more self compassion. I can be productive all month but I have to allow for different types of productivity depending on the seasons. Definitely worked for me today.?

Back in my shed, in my happy place. I haven’t painted my portrait since I was 19- that’s 20 years ago. I wanted the composition to a bit weird a bit out there. I was happy with the big loose brush strokes and just getting stuck in. I spent a good deal on the drawing beforehand, drawing just myself in my sketchbook. I did the background thinking ‘Oh I’ll just get this done out of the way but with my limited palette I love it. It’s chunky and blocky now but I actually like the tones and the forms that have emerged. I turned it upside down to break down what ‘should’ be there and what I actually see. I forgot how much it’s an internal dialogue while painting. I did a little journaling beforehand just to clear the head because you draw with the mind not with the hand. Will try and plan and draw another portrait in front of the tv while my daughter sleeps again tonight. But yeah, progress all good. Can’t wait to go over it in prisma colour pencils and oil pastels.